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Sarah's Thoughts on Journaling (or Everyone
Was Afraid of Journals)
I sincerely believe in the power of journaling,
though I have yet to do it for more than two days in a row. The only
reason I am able to keep this journal is because it is required. I think
if I could find something that works for me, I’d get all the relaxation and
joy from it than others do. My main problem is my ever-present need to
take on more tasks than I should. Even when I tell myself, "I’m
going to take it easy this semester," I end up just as over-committed
as I always do. I love to be involved in a variety of things, and I
thrive, but my schedule doesn’t leave much time for personal reflection
or relaxation. I deeply regret this, but I can’t seem to change. So
journaling always becomes one more task I have to do, and it is low on my
list of priorities.
I have tried to keep many different types of journals. When I was younger,
I often attempted to write what most people would consider a journal. I
got a physical journal (with a lock and key—always important to me) and
wrote my feelings. As a teen, my fear of someone finding the journal
always stopped me. In college, my lack of time prevents me. I have tried
to write a computerized journal several times (thinking that would be
easier and faster), but like a true tech writer, I got hung up on the
design and appearance of the journal, not the content. I also tried a
prayer journal, but I felt that I was saying the same stuff over and over.
I’m remembering now that I have kept one journal religiously!
When my fiancé went to Japan for the summer of 1999, I got us both
journals. We had been dating for a little over a year, and I wanted us to
stay close while he was away. We both wrote in the journals every day for
three months. When he returned home, we switched journals and read them. I
loved reading about all of his experiences, and I loved sharing mine. It
was the summer, so I had a lot of free time, but I’m thinking now that I
completed the journal because I knew someone would read it. What a
revelation!
This makes me really think about my journaling in another way. I have
noticed that I almost always reach a conclusion that I would not have come
up with had I not taken the time to write out my thoughts. Sometimes the
feeling is so strong that it seems like a huge epiphany, like the one I
just had about the only journal I ever kept. I had not forgotten about the
journal, but its connection to my journaling problems finally smacked me
in the face. These are the moments when I feel the benefits of journaling
most strongly. I realize that I have always felt that journaling was not
important enough to keep up with unless I had a real audience. I have a
real audience for this journal, so I can keep it easily. I often imagine
that I am writing to Dr. Dwyer and Dr. Tate or to T C and Cat. In fact, it
seems weird to write all of their names instead of just writing
"you."
So why do I need an audience? Why can’t I write for myself and to
myself? I had this revelation that writing helps me reach truths for
myself (thanks to Thoreau), but I still write these entries to others, not
myself. I am going to work on writing to myself. I guess I feel like it’s
time I can’t afford to spend. Maybe one day I’ll be able to take time
out of each day to sit and have a conversation with myself without feeling
guilty. Here’s hoping! |
